Lap Man accidentally caught
Thor using his laser eyes
to peer into the pantry
At the request of the soft human who gives treats, we three superior lifeforms have agreed to an interview with our like-bodied companion J-Dog. Our mission is to somehow learn from the many fingered humans how to open the tasty bags of treats she has placed on a high shelf. Once we have mastered this skill, we will be gods among cat kind. Until that time we live peacefully, accepting the soft human’s treats and sitting in the warm spot provided by her partner, lap man.
What is Mommy currently reading?
We have noticed that the soft human has too many books. She has half read books in the dining room (Mrs. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs), books in the living room (The Cat Made Me Buy It by Alice Muncaster), books in the bedroom (Keeping You A Secret by Julie Anne Peters) and even books on her light up toy that she’s always carrying and tapping on (Charlotte & the Pirate by Patricia Green) and the large lighted toy that she types on in front of the big moving window in the living room (The Boys on the Mountain by John Inman). We see her reading all of them at the same time. She moves from room to room and picks up a different book for each room. It is most peculiar.
What was the most recent thing I did to get in trouble?
Jerry physically restraining the soft human to
encourage her writing productivity.
The soft human and the lap man are often admonishing us for not adhering to their human ways. One day they washed all the throw rugs in the house and laid them out to dry on the tile in the kitchen. This made the rugs smell terrible, so we took the catnip from the pantry and spread it all over the rugs. We three enjoyed it very much. And then we shoved the baggie of catnip behind the stove so they wouldn’t find it until their next spring cleaning. They did not appreciate our efforts. We have resigned ourselves to continuing to educate them on the attractiveness of catnip.
What are my observations of Mommy's writing process?
Sammie uses his death glare to keep the soft
human writing on her deadline
The soft human has to be supervised at all time during her writing process. We take shifts. The five a.m. writing hour is covered by Thor. He likes to get up early and sits on the couch while she types on the big lighted toy. It’s early and they don’t talk much but she knows he’s there. At night, Sammie is in charge. He burrows under her arm so he can view the screen and make sure she’s not writing anything objectionable, i.e., anything bad about cats. On the weekends, it’s Jerry’s job to help her drape the lap blanket over her legs and then hold her legs down on the couch so that she cannot escape, thus helping her productivity.
What is Mommy currently writing?
The soft human is working on more than one project, predictably. That is all Sammie reports back. He has seen the different pictures she attaches to each one. One has ghostly images and teenagers. Another has strange flying humans in a sepia toned Western background. And another involves a colorful and sinister carnival.
Why you should buy my Mommy's most recent book b/c pet treats aren't cheap
We were very disappointed that there are no cats in the current book the soft human published. Instead she has a human with tentacles which made Jerry and Sammie think of seafood. Thor only eats chicken. She read some of it out loud. The tentacled man helps a space man buy a rocket. The tentacled man likes the space man but the space man doesn’t likes his tentacles. Again there are no cats in the story. But she told us that more treats would be forthcoming if people bought the story. We think more people would buy it if there were cats in it.
Meet the Soft Human
Aidee Ladnier began writing fiction at twelve years old but took a hiatus to be a magician’s assistant, ride in hot air balloons, produce independent movies, collect interesting shoes, and amass a secret file with the CIA. A lover of genre fiction, it has been a lifelong dream of Aidee's to write both romance and erotica with a little science-fiction, fantasy, mystery, or the paranormal thrown in to add a zing.
The Soft Human's Book
When the right space pilot walks into his bar, a desperate bartender uses all his wiles (and tentacles) to talk the man into business and his bed--but the spacer is still enslaved by his past and isn't sure he can deal with a two-armed lover, much less one with six.
As the supply shipments stop coming, Teo Houdin needs all his tentacles to keep his waystation bar open. Facing a riot by thirsty miners stranded in the backwater of the galaxy, Teo helps a greenie space pilot buy a ship in return for a regular haul of liquor. But he longs for the courage to invite the enigmatic spacer to fill his lonely bed as well.
Still smarting from his newly implanted navigational ports, Jimenez knows owning his own ship will prevent him from ever being bought and sold again. For a former slave, transporting cargo through the emptiness of space sounds like paradise, but after meeting the compassionate and sexy Teo, his heart feels empty, too.
At the edge of the galaxy's spiral arm, can Teo convince Jimenez that the heart has its own tentacles and theirs should be entwined forever?
Jimenez opened the bar’s airlock and the urge to run out again washed over him like a splash of cold water. He commanded his frozen legs to shuffle forward and inside. This could turn ugly if he lost his concentration for even a moment. But he wouldn’t. He’d been practicing, becoming accustomed to groups larger than this for revs now.
He could be just like everyone else.
None of them would see the scars on his back or the brand of his tattoo that had marked him since puberty.
Men and women filled half the tables and booths, some laughing and drinking, a few puffing blue smoke. The gaming tables on the side were empty, while a lone player at the billiard table opposite pocketed ball after ball. The room rang with loud voices, clinking glasses, and raucous music.
Jimenez slid into an empty spot at the pale stone bar and caught sight of the clearest, happiest eyes he’d ever seen, a shade lighter than the man’s tousled brown mop above. A dimple quirked at the side of his full lips, mesmerizing Jimenez. The loud voices behind him slid away and for a moment, it was quiet in his mind. Jimenez flinched when his shoulder was jostled and the spell broke.
“Hey, you okay, buddy? First time? What can I pour for you?”
Jimenez blinked, realizing the tall bartender was speaking to him. The man’s smiling eyes crinkled at the corners of his bronzed face. Jimenez swallowed, and he ducked his chin, trying not to stare again, trying to hide his hot cheeks. He’d never been so close to such a handsome man.
“Did you want a drink?” The bartender quirked an eyebrow.
“Yeah… I mean yes. Whiskey neat.” His voice came out gruffer than he expected.
“Bourbon, Scotch, Rye…?”
“Surprise me.” It was a game Jimenez played. He’d order whiskey and discover what the bartender served. If he reached for the rail bottle closest to hand, it meant he would pour either the cheapest or the local favorite. If he pulled something from the top shelf, the bartender angled for a bigger tip. But if he grabbed a decanter off to the side or behind another bottle, he’d score the bartender’s personal pick.
“Coming right up.”
The bartender raised a tentacle in greeting, calling out to another patron.
Oh, God. The man was a Pod.
Of course he was.
In a joint named the Klockwerk Kraken, who better to tend the bar than a tentacled man?
Find the Soft Human on the Internet:
In recognition of alien, ahem, feline superiority, J-Dog is giving away to one commenter a $10 Amazon Gift Card purchased through Amazon Smile to benefit the Alabama Spay Neuter Clinic. The good people of the Alabama Spay Neuter Clinic stem the time of unwanted and abandoned companion animals by offering low-cost, high-quality spay and neuter surgeries. For more information, go to: http://alspay.org/