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Lap Man accidentally caught
Thor using his laser eyes
to
peer into the pantry
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At the request of the soft human who gives
treats, we three superior lifeforms have agreed to an interview with our
like-bodied companion J-Dog. Our mission is to somehow learn from the many
fingered humans how to open the tasty bags of treats she has placed on a high
shelf. Once we have mastered this skill, we will be gods among cat kind. Until
that time we live peacefully, accepting the soft human’s treats and sitting in
the warm spot provided by her partner, lap man.
What is Mommy currently reading?
We have noticed that the soft human has too many books. She has
half read books in the dining room (Mrs. Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
by Ransom Riggs), books in the living room (The Cat Made Me Buy It by Alice
Muncaster), books in the bedroom (Keeping You A Secret by Julie Anne Peters)
and even books on her light up toy that she’s always carrying and tapping on
(Charlotte & the Pirate by Patricia Green) and the large lighted toy that
she types on in front of the big moving window in the living room (The Boys on
the Mountain by John Inman). We see her reading all of them at the same time.
She moves from room to room and picks up a different book for each room. It is
most peculiar.
What was the most recent thing I did to get in trouble?
 |
Jerry physically restraining the soft human to
encourage
her writing productivity.
|
The soft human and the lap man are often
admonishing us for not adhering to their human ways. One day they washed all
the throw rugs in the house and laid them out to dry on the tile in the
kitchen. This made the rugs smell terrible, so we took the catnip from the pantry
and spread it all over the rugs. We three enjoyed it very much. And then we
shoved the baggie of catnip behind the stove so they wouldn’t find it until their
next spring cleaning. They did not appreciate our efforts. We have resigned
ourselves to continuing to educate them on the attractiveness of catnip.
What are my observations of Mommy's writing process?
 |
Sammie uses his death glare to keep the soft
human writing
on her deadline
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The soft human has to be supervised at all
time during her writing process. We take shifts. The five a.m. writing hour is
covered by Thor. He likes to get up early and sits on the couch while she types
on the big lighted toy. It’s early and they don’t talk much but she knows he’s
there. At night, Sammie is in charge. He burrows under her arm so he can view
the screen and make sure she’s not writing anything objectionable, i.e.,
anything bad about cats. On the weekends, it’s Jerry’s job to help her drape
the lap blanket over her legs and then hold her legs down on the couch so that
she cannot escape, thus helping her productivity.
What is Mommy currently writing?
The soft human is working on more than one project, predictably.
That is all Sammie reports back. He has seen the different pictures she
attaches to each one. One has ghostly images and teenagers. Another has strange
flying humans in a sepia toned Western background. And another involves a
colorful and sinister carnival.
Why you should buy my Mommy's most recent book b/c pet treats aren't cheap
We
were very disappointed that there are no cats in the current book the soft
human published. Instead she has a human with tentacles which made Jerry and
Sammie think of seafood. Thor only eats chicken. She read some of it out loud.
The tentacled man helps a space man buy a rocket. The tentacled man likes the space
man but the space man doesn’t likes his tentacles. Again there are no cats in
the story. But she told us that more treats would be forthcoming if people
bought the story. We think more people would buy it if there were cats in it.
Meet the Soft Human
Aidee
Ladnier began writing fiction at twelve years old but took a hiatus to be a
magician’s assistant, ride in hot air balloons, produce independent movies,
collect interesting shoes, and amass a secret file with the CIA. A lover of
genre fiction, it has been a lifelong dream of Aidee's to write both romance
and erotica with a little science-fiction, fantasy, mystery, or the paranormal
thrown in to add a zing.
The Soft Human's Book
When the right space pilot walks into his bar,
a desperate bartender uses all his wiles (and tentacles) to talk the man into
business and his bed--but the spacer is still enslaved by his past and isn't
sure he can deal with a two-armed lover, much less one with six.
As
the supply shipments stop coming, Teo Houdin needs all his tentacles to keep
his waystation bar open. Facing a riot by thirsty miners stranded in the
backwater of the galaxy, Teo helps a greenie space pilot buy a ship in return
for a regular haul of liquor. But he longs for the courage to invite the
enigmatic spacer to fill his lonely bed as well.
Still
smarting from his newly implanted navigational ports, Jimenez knows owning his
own ship will prevent him from ever being bought and sold again. For a former
slave, transporting cargo through the emptiness of space sounds like paradise,
but after meeting the compassionate and sexy Teo, his heart feels empty, too.
At
the edge of the galaxy's spiral arm, can Teo convince Jimenez that the heart
has its own tentacles and theirs should be entwined forever?
Excerpt:
Jimenez opened the bar’s airlock and the urge to run out again
washed over him like a splash of cold water. He commanded his frozen legs to
shuffle forward and inside. This could turn ugly if he lost his concentration
for even a moment. But he wouldn’t. He’d been practicing, becoming accustomed
to groups larger than this for revs now.
He could be just like everyone else.
None of them would see the scars on his back or the brand of his
tattoo that had marked him since puberty.
Men and women filled half the tables and booths, some laughing and
drinking, a few puffing blue smoke. The gaming tables on the side were empty,
while a lone player at the billiard table opposite pocketed ball after ball.
The room rang with loud voices, clinking glasses, and raucous music.
Jimenez slid into an empty spot at the pale stone bar and caught
sight of the clearest, happiest eyes he’d ever seen, a shade lighter than the
man’s tousled brown mop above. A dimple quirked at the side of his full lips,
mesmerizing Jimenez. The loud voices behind him slid away and for a moment, it
was quiet in his mind. Jimenez flinched when his shoulder was jostled and the
spell broke.
“Hey, you okay, buddy? First time? What can I pour for you?”
Jimenez blinked, realizing the tall bartender was speaking to him.
The man’s smiling eyes crinkled at the corners of his bronzed face. Jimenez
swallowed, and he ducked his chin, trying not to stare again, trying to hide
his hot cheeks. He’d never been so close to such a handsome man.
“Did you want a drink?” The bartender quirked an eyebrow.
“Yeah… I mean yes. Whiskey neat.” His voice came out gruffer than
he expected.
“Bourbon, Scotch, Rye…?”
“Surprise me.” It was a game Jimenez played. He’d order whiskey
and discover what the bartender served. If he reached for the rail bottle
closest to hand, it meant he would pour either the cheapest or the local
favorite. If he pulled something from the top shelf, the bartender angled for a
bigger tip. But if he grabbed a decanter off to the side or behind another
bottle, he’d score the bartender’s personal pick.
“Coming right up.”
The bartender raised a tentacle in greeting, calling out to
another patron.
Oh, God. The man was a Pod.
Of course he was.
In a joint named the Klockwerk Kraken, who better to tend the bar
than a tentacled man?
Find the Soft Human on the Internet:
***
In recognition of alien, ahem, feline superiority, J-Dog is giving away to one commenter a $10 Amazon Gift Card purchased through Amazon Smile to benefit the Alabama Spay Neuter Clinic. The good people of the Alabama Spay Neuter Clinic stem the time of unwanted and abandoned companion animals by offering low-cost, high-quality spay and neuter surgeries. For more information, go to: http://alspay.org/
